Lesson number 374, 767, 5 & 127

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Vicki Thompson

There’s so many lessons we knowingly or unknowingly step into everyday. A break would be nice, but that would be too easy! In this past month I’ve gotten to learn a lot of lessons of learning to live with cystic fibrosis. I’m 31 so I’m not kidding, they never end!!

“Everything that has happened to you is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to prevent you from growing. You get to choose.” –Wayne Dyer

I was recently in the hospital. This time around getting sick was different than every other time. Where, normally, I’d willingly accept the sleeping pills or anti-anxiety medications to aid in bringing a certain amount of comfort to the discomfort of the hospital, I didn’t take any this time. The snag being that I didn’t sleep as much and my anxiety was higher but it was a personal choice. I decided I didn’t want to create any mental fog in this space this time around. I did this to find, or ask for, some sort of understanding that I hadn’t felt before. There has to be something to all of this. There has to be a lesson, advice, tip-off….something I’ve been missing to the hospital experience because I keep ending up here. I’ve been having dreams where I am sleeping under a bridge. The view from my bed underneath the bridge is majestic. I’m wondering if this is symbolic for learning lesson number 374; to find clarity, you have to try something new. I feel I’m crossing some sort of proverbial bridge with certain amount of abandonment.

What happened because of this? I’m still trying to understand all of it but I do know the hospital “kicked me out” earlier than they usually do. I always beg to leave and they always keep me longer. But, this time I didn’t have to stay longer They were on the same page. I got to go the first time I asked, not the fifth or sixth. VICTORYI noticed something different within every interaction while in the hospital as well. Obviously, I was more present but there was something else I’m not able to put my finger on yet. When I figure it out, I’ll share with you.

Also, without a mental fog, I had to come to terms with the salty truth of life. My reality in my head is not always going to be the reality in front of me. (Lesson 767) For example, even though I want to dance all night without taking breathing breaks, my current lung capacity is not going to allow that- The problem is that’s not the reality in my head. In my head I have 5 weddings to go to this year, and I will be dancing all night long at each one of them. So there’s always this shift that has to happen when I go in the hospital to bring me down to what the world is seemingly telling me its going to let me be capable of. It’s emotionally painful, this shifting. “Well, nobody likes the hospital,” says my dad. Well, then we’re all doing something wrong here!!!!! Shouldn’t the place you go to heal be somewhere you enjoy and have a peace of mind in? I can only read so many books on happiness, letting go, acceptance and surrender. This is the reality- THE WORLD LOVES YOU WHEN YOU’RE HEALTHY. (Lesson 5). This is a tough one. It’s taken a lot of repeating to myself, “I am healthy“ over and over….. “I am healthy, I am healthy.” Even when I’m sick there are still parts of me that are functioning healthy. I had to practice focusing on those and slowly more health manifests. This way in my mind, the world will always love me.

At the end of the day I am grateful because my family shows up. They don’t have to actually. But they do, and that’s why I’m here in NY where they are. A couple weeks later filled with rest and slow recovery, I’m back to where I like to be in terms of ability to function in society. I’m confronted with setting my reality once again. Now here’s the problem- I just can’t make friends with the reality that’s directly in front of me, it’s just not an option. So, I’m setting the goals of my reality lofty again without limitations, even if I end up having to shift my perception of reality to match the reality that is occurring around me. Adjusting and readjusting perception is all apart of the journey. (Lesson 127) The highs are high and the lows are low with this disease, but its all worth it because tonight I am able to see the full pink moon, walk my dog, teach yoga and function in my world with the most inspiring people surrounding me while cherishing every moment of it.

 

Help Others Live STRONGER and LONGER-

            

 

 

Vicki Thompson is a 31-year-old with cystic fibrosis living in upstate New York. She explores the arts daily, takes care of maintaining her health in every moment and searches for the moon when it is missing from the sky. Follow her journey on Instagram at vicki_lynn27

 

 

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***Views expressed on the CFLF Blog are those of the bloggers themselves and not necessarily the Cystic Fibrosis Lifestyle Foundation***   

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